Sunday, April 18, 2021

the algorithm

 Instagram was kind enough to suggest I click on your latest post

Which was puzzling and momentarily startling

(though not as traumatizing as it was)

Seeing how I unfollowed you months ago

(Though you still follow me and occasionally let me know it)

But you see

I still had one particular post of yours saved from when we were together

And so the algorithm thought it was being helpful


It was

of course

a selfie of you and my replacement-within-in-a-month

You in your most curated seductively doe-eyed

He

looking

sorry, but

Like as clueless a dipshit as I was


Except

You never posted those few pictures of us you took

Not once

Not that I could see anyhow

You never asked to

And that was nearly a year’s time we’re talking


And from what I gather

more by what our mutual acquaintances out of kindness to me are not saying

You post every picture of yourself with him that you can in these last few months


There seems an incongruity to say the least


What exactly is that about? 

I can’t not wonder

Do I flatter myself

Thinking

Maybe just maybe

You were too busy being in a relatively healthy relationship to worry about who was watching?


Do I flatter myself further by imagining that the algorithm

Born of a toxic vanity culture

Is doing exactly what you want it to do?


I wonder if even the algorithm knows how effectively subtle it has become at trolling

Thursday, April 8, 2021

face

The good news is that I slept til five o’clock this morning

Thank you, Tylenol PM

The bad news is that the trauma followed me into my rediscovered REM cycle

allying against me characters and settings both beloved and unsafe

and again made me a victim in the midst of hopeful recovery

The good news is that I hope it does so again tonight

Because when it does I’m going to punch it in its fucking face