That thing where I have a light fever
I’m teetering between consciousness
and the extremely inviting third nap on a sick day
Suddenly it’s ten years ago and 700 miles away
The last time I saw her in person
It’s a random flashback
I know it’s just a flashback
And yet I am so there
and can’t do anything about it
And I remember the last thing I said to her
With the misguided intention of communicating
That I am Standing My Ground
The Line is Here
This Thing I’m Trying to Pass Off as Assertiveness
Will Finally Make You See that I’m the One
When really I may just as well have been saying
I’m Just Gonna Refuse to Grow Up For Just a Little Longer
If That’s Okay With You
I Hate Change
and This Really Should Just Validate Your Decision
To Move On With Your Life
To Move On With Your Life
But It’s Going to Take a Few More Months For Me
To Find Other People and Other Sources to Focus On
Take One More Year For Me to Make
a Superficial Gesture of Letting Go
Take Two More Years for me to Deal With This in its Totality
and Get Over You
and Get Over You
Three More Years to Get Over It
Five More Years to Realize It was Never About You
you were just the important person that got in the way
-sorry about that-
Six More Years to Really Understand Letting Go
Seven More Years to Really Come to Peace with That
Ten More Years With the Help of a Light Fever To Help Me Realize
What a Really Dick Thing That Was to Say To You
That’s when I come to a second later
"What the hell was that?" I whisper
and I panic
and I panic
wondering if I’ve done anything else with my life
for the last ten years
hoping lessons were able to be learned through other avenues
pretty sure that all has been well
and all shall be well
by means of grace if nothing else
Fevers are terrible things
And yet
The only reliable means of time travel I have yet to find
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ReplyDeleteLove you, mom.
DeleteThis is profoundly moving.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lorissa!
Delete