immediacy - part 2

So we processed how awesome that was

what trappings and fixings were our preferred treatment for the nachos

(and we can both agree: Colby Jack—so much)

then I felt I should ask him 

about some…

stuff

This boy

who understands facts and figures

as a second language

finds it helpful to break down all of his concerns—

academic stress, middle school social dynamics, how much sibling annoys him, and

parents’ impending separation

into pieces of a pie, and respective percentages to be rated in each week’s session

Academic concerns this week?

He explained clearly that he’d take the math portion of the state standardized testing

with its reliable 1:1 ratio of solution to problem

any day, any year

over the open-ended requirements of the writing tests

(You and Me, kid)

20%

Middle School Social stuff?

Meh. Made a new friend this week.

2%

Sibling?

Absolutely obnoxious.

16%

Leaving only…

I do the math really quick

“That’s about sixty-something percent left, my friend”

Am I doing the math right?

I ask him

His eye contact had broken off when we started on the pie

and transfixed to the safety of nothing in front of him

His face wears all of the assuredness of a deer caught in a bath of ball stadium lighting

the look with which I’ve been familiar since my first job in foster care

I wear, for dramatic effect

my best gritted teeth

my best clenched jaw

and the rest of my face to match

I ask questions

just how okay does it feel to break down over this?

Sometimes

OFTEN

I just wish they’d feel comfortable enough to say

as softly and matter of fact as they can

“Well, asshole, it doesn’t”

(And when did I ever? 

I get it)

I ask the feeling words—

“I don’t know” is all he can manage

I have to assume that I ask another forgettable, inane, space filler

“I don’t know” is all he can manage

“How about I back off for tonight?”

I ask softly

I seem to have hit on the safe phrase to break him from that trance

You know

Sometimes

It’s okay

To make up your own short-answer question to a writing test

And to speak about how much you want nachos

And why

Because if it seems like

ummmm

some people can’t agree on anything else

They certainly seem to love you enough to agree that you deserve

some goddamned nachos every once in a while

“Colby Jack, right?”

Smile and enthusiastic nod

(He actually tried to suggest American at one point, so I had a very quick talk with him because his socialization is important to me)

“Black beans or refried?”

Pssh, black

“Beef or chicken?”
Leaning toward chicken tonight

Fair enough

“Jalapeños?”

He hesitates

“There may be some heartburn at first. They made me cry the first couple of times, but now I really REALLY need them. Give it a shot?”

He nods