Thursday, April 7, 2011

HERE is where you are

says the sign
with absolutely no affect
FYI only
and I would actually prefer a more mocking tone, so I could spit back

That place
we try so hard to avoid
    between the courtesy emails of rejection
    or the phone calls that never come
that is the subject of so many human interest stories on public radio

The “winter period”
That though you are physically healthy
    and keep some semblance of a routine
That though you keep yourself in good company
    and know there are many elsewhere that have got it a lot worse
There’s a certain bitch subjectivity
    with which you can negotiate
        only so much
    Kinda’ difficult for a privileged white guy
Those two graduate degrees were worth it
But not for this

There are pangs in the morning
    Anxiety loves vulnerability
        First thing at dawn

There is labored breathing
That heralds a cycle
    Optimism and self-defeating thoughts

There is screaming at God
    for selling me on this American Dream
        (oh, wait...)

There is uncertainty
There is doubt

I will not get out of this without some sustained injury...(and blessing...)

I find scratching my head helps.

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