says the sign
with absolutely no affect
FYI only
and I would actually prefer a more mocking tone, so I could spit back
That place
we try so hard to avoid
between the courtesy emails of rejection
or the phone calls that never come
that is the subject of so many human interest stories on public radio
The “winter period”
That though you are physically healthy
and keep some semblance of a routine
That though you keep yourself in good company
and know there are many elsewhere that have got it a lot worse
There’s a certain bitch subjectivity
with which you can negotiate
only so much
Kinda’ difficult for a privileged white guy
Those two graduate degrees were worth it
But not for this
There are pangs in the morning
Anxiety loves vulnerability
First thing at dawn
There is labored breathing
That heralds a cycle
Optimism and self-defeating thoughts
There is screaming at God
for selling me on this American Dream
(oh, wait...)
There is uncertainty
There is doubt
Hesitancy
Conviction
Grief
Prayer
Disappointment
Belief
Struggle
I will not get out of this without some sustained injury...(and blessing...)
I find scratching my head helps.
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